FRESNO TIMES ‘Pisser Dans La Toilette’ Chapter Three by Matthew Carlson

FRESNO TIMES ‘Pisser Dans La Toilette’ Chapter Three by Matthew Carlson
“Goddamnit!” She yelled loudly. “Can’t you guys pee in the gawdamn toilet?” Uh oh, I thought. Mom’s on a rampage.
“I’m sick of tired of cleaning pee off the toilet! I mean, can’t you guys aim or what?!” Joanie’s face was red from the effort of losing it. She was tired and the stress of a full time job and taking care of four boys was having its’ way with her. Of course, at my young age I got that a little bit, but not totally. All I actually saw was that Mom went away every day for several hours and ‘worked’ in accounting. She would usually come back tired and with paper bags of  groceries. On the weekends too, was chore day. My two older brothers, when they could manage sneaking out, would do so, leaving last minute me to play the role of cleaning assistant. On the other weekends, we felt like soldiers, mowing, edging, weeding, sweeping, raking leaves, you name it; we did it. And that was just outside. Inside there was, vacuuming, dusting, ironing, scrubbing, dishwashing, laundry, arranging magazines and other periodicals, newspapaers The Fresno Bee and taking out the garbage, and cleaning the garage.
Too, on the weekends she did alot of reading, mostly romance novels. She was hooked on them. She was constanty reading them: on the couch, in an arm chair, at the dining table, in bed at night before going to sleep. She was a big reader that’s for sure. I was the only one who would follow her lead and read continuously throughout my life, though romance novels, ehhh, not so much.
Mom continued her rampage.
“”And can’t you guys put the seat down afterwards?” And then repeating, “I’m totally lost as to why athletic boys cannot aim. You can throw a baseball into a miniscule mit from twenty yards, but to ask you to pee in a bowl that’s two feet away is impossible! Why does it have to go all over the place??” I thought at that moment that it would be impossible to explain to her about boners, especially in the morning. That it was nearly impossibe to pee straight when that happened, one would have  to stand on the wall or ceiling in order to get your pee stream poking in the right direction!….Of course, I knew when to keep my mouth shut. A meek “You wouldn’t understand” came out under my breath, besides I was sure Mark was the guilty one. So i said no more.
Mom finished scrubbing and went on to something else. She gave me a chore to do and that was the end of the crisis, for the moment. Until the next time.


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