FRESNO TIMES (N° 8) by Matthew Carlson

Fresno Times N° 8

Piddy and Diddy by Matthew Carlson

Piddy and Diddy were a match made in Heaven and Hell. Piddy was 20 and Diddy was 40. Piddy was an almost perfect look alike of Barbara Streisand, except she had long dark black hair, almost blue. Her tits were better than Barbara’s too (large, round and uplifted naturally) and her nose shorter. She hated it when people told her “Oh my, you look just like Barbara Steisand!” Mostly because of the nose issue; she had always been sensitive about her nose. She liked to listen to Barabara sing however. Piddy was like a race horse, moving fast and furious. She was a business woman too (taught by her millionaire Dad) and didn’t take any crap from anyone, including her heavy drinking husband. She knew how to bust his balls (she’d practised on her own Father over the years, & he was even taller than Diddy)…

Diddy was too tall; a big guy of 6 feet four and a half inches, with long slender legs & a pot belly. You could have fit a couple of babies in there, to be honest. His graying hair was plastered backwards partially hiding his bald spot in the back, long greying with black sideburns from a not so long ago Clint Eastwood era. Cowboy boots, cowboy neckties, lizard and alligator belts of like a zillion different colors hung or sat in his closet. He loved country music (Buck Owens and The Buckeroos, Johnny Cash. His favorite song was ‘Ring Of Fire’ and he had a sweet spot for Dolly Parton and Loretta Lynne – they both had great tits too). Eight track tapes oozed out of his glovebox and from under the car seats, filling up the big tired LARGE sized 4X4 four Cherokee jeep. An ex-drinker and a ‘trying to be’ ex-skirt chaser, Diddy was a little bit famous in the mountains where he lived with his new young wife Piddy.

They had met when she was working at Savemart in the Tower District in Fresno. She was quick with her hands, fast with her words and managed everyone, client and fellow employees with ease and assurance. When Diddy first came to her cash register, there was an immediate attraction.

“Well, you are a big strapping man,” she said after he had already complemented her on her cleavage.

“Yes, I am sweetheart and a nice one too,” he smiled his Marlboro smile and gazed at her intently.

“That remains to be seen”, she responded with just enough vinager so he’d know she was not easy, but interested.

“In that case, can I buy you dinner? That way you could see for yourself…” And then with a suave turn of the head he added “You sure are a pretty thing”.

She laughed with a bit of mockery in her eyes. She had heard all the lines before so knew exactle how to handle men. But this older bull had her intrigued and she was aroused.

“That depends,” she said.

“On what?”

“If you have a gold card or not,” she half snickered, but was serious.

He pulled out his wallet and a string of credit cards unfolded in their plastic happy spaces. All gold.

“Well, I guess it’s a date” she said. “I get off at seven”. She smiled her sexy Barbara Streisand smile….


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