Goodbye’s And Maintaining Balance by Matthew Carlson

The year is almost finished…and tomorrow I will finish final round number four of moving! There must be some record out there that I’m breaking…so you’re probably thinking “that’s nothing”. But moving is one of the most stressful things that we do in our lifetimes and it’s also usually linked to another stress filled life event like a new job, going away to school….etc.

In my case, separating from a ten year old live in relationship with my boyfriend. That in itself could be devastating if you are not wanting the change, or having difficulty in accepting the end of a relationship. Personally, it was an easy choice for me as I was living with an alcoholic and someone with Borderline Personality Disorder…If you don’t know what that is, hmm well,  it’s complicated to explain but the person in question has a problem in terms of emotional development,  meaning : they are not capable of correctly judging situations and people because there is something in their cortex which does not dampen emotional flow. So everything is exaggerated; either black or white – there are no grey areas and absolutely no room for compromise…on anything. Basically, if you live with someone who is Borderline, then you will have constant arguements where you will be wondering what brought on the dispute…Over six million women in the United States alone suffer from BPD…

So to make a long story short, my HELL began with my breakup. You see, people with BPD don’tdeal with breakups well AT ALL!  (Abandonment issues…) And so as it goes, though before I was adored (hard to see it but…) and now I Am Satan reincarnated in his view…If it was just that, it would be okay, but the person with BPD is also a liar and a manipulator so he or she is going to create new alliances and enemies for you! In this case for me! Arggghhh, right? Yep….

So getting on to the maintaining balance part of this blog post…how to do it? And maybe you’re wondering how to GET balance first off cause that’s not easy either if you’re totally being rocked in your boat! Well, the first thing is that you must have THE INTENTION of having balance in your life. And before we go any further we have to be on the same page about : what is balance??

Balance for me (feel free to leave me comments on what you think)  is: 1. Sleeping well, 2. Eating balanced meals 3. Feeling good about your day to day activities ie work, school… 4. Having a happy social life/friends  and 5. Sports and or feel good physical activities 6. Some kind of intellectual or spiritual modus operandi that helps you function in your day to day life; a kind of colored lens if you will that helps you understand your environment or see it…7. an on going goal or objective, long or short term..something that you can build on, work towards and share with others…8. Intentions of progressing and or evolving in some way every day.

So that’s my list which is capable of changing (mobility of mind!) I did not put on my list LOVE. I do think love is important, but do not consider it an essential to have and/or maintain balance. Love can be fantastic and terrible too, so many adjectives can be used to describe it, but again we don’t need it to have or maintain balance. Often it can be the unbalancing factor in our lives….especially if we choose a partner that does not correspond to who we are, or what we want out of life.

My own choice of being with someone ill was my choice alone. I alone am responsable for it. That too is important in order to move on, be responsable for your stuff. Otherwise you cannot find balance. Maintaining it comes later.

Hope you enjoyed this post. Have a good ‘whatever you decide’….

Matt Carlson


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